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Chopped Salami Grilled Cheese – You Suck at Cooking (episode 93)

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A grilled cheese sandwich just declared war on the melt-versus-grilled-cheese debate, and it’s using salami and Dijon as ammunition.

Episode 93 of the deadpan YouTube cooking series You Suck at Cooking takes the classic grilled cheese and blows up the usual layering method entirely. Instead of stacking bread, cheese and filling in neat strata, the faceless host mixes everything into one unified glob before it ever hits the pan. The result is called “Chopped Salami Grilled Cheese,” and the recipe comes with the same dry, absurdist narration that has made the channel a cult favorite among viewers who’d rather watch a joke than a tutorial.

• The base is roughly one cup of shredded cheddar mixed with finely chopped salami, diced dill pickle, one teaspoon of Dijon mustard and a squirt of hot sauce.
• The host coins the mixing step “fangjangling” and insists the described ratios, while flexible, are “perfect.”
• For a thinner sandwich split into two, he recommends bumping the cheddar up to about 1.5 cups — and warns that going thicker breaks the “laws of physics” for melted cheese.

The Fangjangle Method

Rather than treating cheese, meat and condiments as separate sandwich layers, the host shreds the cheddar directly into a bowl or measuring cup — with the aside that the vessel “doesn’t have to be cold. In fact, it’s almost certainly better if it is not.” The chopped salami and diced dill pickle go in next, followed by the teaspoon of Dijon and the hot-sauce squirt. Everything gets combined into what he calls a fangjangled mixture, a single blended filling instead of a stack of components.

He’s loose about exact measurements, telling viewers “don’t worry about the ratios too much” even as he maintains his own combination is the ideal one. It’s the kind of contradiction that runs through the whole series — precise-sounding instructions delivered with total confidence, undercut by a shrug about whether any of it actually matters.

Scaling the Sandwich

The recipe does offer one real technical note for anyone adjusting portions: if you want a thinner sandwich, shred closer to 1.5 cups of cheddar and split the mixture between two sandwiches instead of one. Going the other direction — trying to build a thicker sandwich — gets a flat no, because, as the host puts it, melted cheese has to “obey the laws of physics.” It’s a joke, but it’s also a fair warning about structural integrity once that much cheese starts to liquefy in a pan.

Assembly and the Cook

Once the filling is ready, one side of each bread slice gets buttered, the cheese-and-salami mixture is “hocked in,” and the sandwich goes into the pan “low and slow” until the outside is golden brown and everything inside has fully melted. No temperature is specified beyond that instruction — patience over precision is the running theme of the technique.

Settling an Old Internet Argument

The episode closes by wading into a debate that’s followed grilled cheese sandwiches across cooking forums and social media for years: at what point does a grilled cheese become a melt? The host doesn’t hedge.

“If anyone tries to tell you it’s a melt and not a grilled cheese, never speak to them again.”

It’s classic You Suck at Cooking — a real, workable recipe wrapped in a joke that treats a sandwich taxonomy argument with the gravity of a legal ruling. The channel has built its whole identity on that tension, the same dry mix of actual technique and mock-serious commentary that shows up in other corners of online comedy, from web-exclusive sketches like Last Week Tonight’s Da Vinci Code segment to oddball internet challenges like the hardest tongue twister.

Episode 93 doesn’t tease what’s coming next in the series, but the format is locked in by now: a real recipe, a running joke, and a closing line delivered dead serious. If salami-and-cheddar fangjangling holds up in your own kitchen, the next argument to pick is whether it’s still a sandwich at all once everything’s mixed before it hits the pan.